A frequent topic of conversation in the treatment room is about hobbies, or rather the lack of them.
As someone who loves hobbies – as joint or solo activities, I feel a sense of sadness when someone sits in the chair in my room and shares that they don’t do anything they enjoy, simply for the sense of enjoying it. How has this happened? As children we grow up with lots of hobbies, from drawing, crafting, riding a bike, climbing trees, playing computer games, meeting up with friends.. the list goes on. As adults, we become less playful, feel more responsible, have more commitments to the detriment of our inner self.
I see it when sitting opposite mums and dads especially, but also anyone who has responsibility for caring for someone else. They are immersed in life to care for a loved one and the constraints on their time and daily life means their own fulfilment needs are not being met. It’s nobody’s fault. Life gets busy and time is limited. At first they don’t notice; they are busy living. Time, months, and years, roll on, and one day they feel they never have time for themselves, they see others in their lives taking time out but for some reason this eludes them. When this happens, I start to see resentment to those around them, or sadness that they don’t understand why they are struggling in their day to day lives and feeling unhappy. What could be wrong, they have a loving family, they have friends, they have a good job, but the inner self is sad.
When we talk about health and wellbeing / selfcare, we automatically think of the obvious elements – exercise, nutrition, sleep. The first thing I ask any new client, and anyone attending the seasonal workshops is: ‘what do you do for fun?’ . It is a simple question, but far too many people can’t answer it – because they have forgotten what is fun for them!
I’m not talking about be out partying every night (although if that’s what does it for you – go for it), or about skipping around without a care in the world (no one can live with Elmo every day). This is more about the balance of life. If you are a parent, obviously you will prioritise the happiness and welfare of your child (whatever their age), if you have a partner you will want them to be happy and content in life (I hope so anyway). But I often see these relationships take over the person in front of me, to a point where they have forgotten they are equally important.
Hobbies and pastimes are an essential part of our selfcare. They can help us clear our minds, connect with what drives us, open our creativity, explore our passions. Far too many, when I ask about their hobbies, don’t even know what they like to do! Giving ourselves space to explore pastimes encourages our self-expression and personal growth. You might have an interest that none of your friends (current friends), or family have any interest in; but if you seek out a group who have similar interests and your world opens to new friends, new connections, a sense of fulfilment whilst enjoying an activity you collectively embrace.
Some people can be a little nervous about stepping out into new groups and meeting new people. It can be daunting, especially if you haven’t done it for a long time. Just as when we start a new job, or even that first day in a new school, everyone was new to the group at some point (and from my experience you are welcomed with open arms). I have rarely tried a new activity and not been welcomed; you are connecting with likeminded people with a common interest. And if you try it and don’t feel comfortable (or don’t like them) , these are not your people, and you have no obligation to see them again! Simply move on and try another group or activity.
If you are someone who has found themselves feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied with life, what can you do about it? Is it lack of time that stops you from having some fun, is it money or you feel guilty about taking time away from your ‘responsibilities.’
My first advice would be to have a think or write down things you would like to do if.
- a) time was not the issue,
- b) money was not the obstacle
- c) if there were no obstacles in your way.
If this is too tricky, think about
- a) what you loved to do as a child
- b) what you dreamed you might do when you grew up.
Keep writing (or thinking) of these. I suggest writing them down, or keeping a note on your phone, so that you can refer to it. Do this over a few days or even a week and note them as they pop into your head. You will find obvious ones come up first, but the longer you consider it the more (and more obscure) will pop up.
Now consider the list.
How does each one make you feel?
Are you already thinking of obstacles that will prevent you from doing them? Stop that!
Pick 2-3 that spark your interest. Now its time to do some research.
Are there groups in your area you could connect with, are there groups online that work for you? Reach out to them.
It’s time to be brave. Commit some time to exploring further and connect with the groups.
Maybe the activity you want to enjoy is a solo one. Is it something you want to learn, YouTube is fabulous for this, along with many online courses – you can learn anything. Delve in. Is it that you need to find time to make it happen? You have the resources you need; a plan needs to be drawn up.
Introducing more ‘fun’ in life may not be down to an activity or hobby. Responsibility can bring with it a staid approach to life; spontaneity has left the building. Some people thrive on planning and spontaneity feels uncomfortable for them, whilst some are excited with the unknown. If your soul loves excitement and unexpected changes, but life has dealt you a paced, planned existence, you will feel it. So, break from the planned, go on adventures.
written by Sarah Bromham
A holistic therapist focusing on wellbeing and selfcare. I offer treatments to help you relax, gain clarity, and stay calm in our crazy busy world.
I host seasonal wellbeing workshops to empower your self-care for a fulfilling life. The next workshop is on Sunday 23rd June, in Berkshire. Click here for details
(Image showing one of my personal hobbies – I have lots!)